Ellen Rothweiler, Des Moines, IA

Warm-up Question

What do you do when you experience pain?

The Pain of Rejection

Rejection is something most of us have experienced in our life. But, did you know that the brain experiences rejection as a form of physical pain? So breaking your arm and being rejected by your peers can have similar responses in the brain and can feel equally painful!
Studies have shown that children and teens often experience real and lingering pain of rejection more keenly than others. These feelings of rejection can impact the child’s overall health, both physically and socially. In a study done by Mark Leary, PhD, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, 15 cases of school shooters were analyzed and he discovered all but two suffered from social rejection. His research published in the journal Aggressive Behavior says, “Ostracized people sometimes become aggressive and can turn to violence.”
This pain, like any physical pain, can often take time to recover from and cause other issues if not dealt with. It is important that we pay attention to our emotional health and be aware of the impact that rejection can have on others.

Discussion Questions

• Share a time when you have felt rejected.
• Share a time when you have rejected someone.
• Does the relationship you have with someone impact how you respond to being rejected by them? Explain.

Fourth Sunday After Epiphany

Jeremiah 1:4-10

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Luke 4:21-30
(Text links are to Oremus Bible Browser. Oremus Bible Browser is not affiliated with or supported by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. You can find the calendar of readings for Year B at Lectionary Readings
For lectionary humor and insight, check the weekly comic Agnus Day.

Gospel Reflection

In this passage from the Gospel of Luke, Jesus is preaching and teaching in his hometown. The crowd is full of people who have known him most of his life and see him as the son of Joseph. People’s worth was often measured by their parentage in the ancient Hebrew culture so that was an important part of his identity. The people were proud of him, excited to hear what he had to say. That is, until he said something that was difficult for them to hear. Then, they ran him out of town!
It is funny how precarious acceptance can be, especially with people who think they know all about you. You can feel like a well-liked part of a group and then you share an opinion that is not popular and you find yourself on the outside, rejected.
It is important to take note of how Jesus responded to this rejection. In verse 30 it says “but he passed through the midst of them and went on his way.” Jesus seems unaffected by this rejection. He predicted they would respond this way in verse 24 “….no prophet is accepted in the prophet’s hometown”. Jesus, being both fully human and fully divine may have felt this rejection as we do, but he had things to do. He was on a mission. We too, have a calling in life that God has given us. Sometimes rejection can be that thing that pushes us forward but that does not mean it is not painful. Often the pain of rejection can bring a new sense of identity. Jesus was not only Joseph’s son but the Son of God sent to redeem the world.

Discussion Questions

• Why do you think that Jesus said “no prophet is accepted in the prophet’s hometown”?
• List three words that describe your identity.
• What groups/people have an impact on your identity?

Activity Suggestion

As a group share qualities that you see in each other. Have each group member share three things they have noticed about the character of the person to their right. This should be a time of affirmation not criticism. As the leader of the group, take time to reflect back the qualities you hear that you see influencing each participants identity.

Closing Prayer

Lord we thank you for claiming us as your children in baptism. We know that this is our primary identity and that you will never reject us. Please be with us when we feel rejected by others and we pray for those who do not feel accepted by or connected to a community. Help us to welcome them and show them your love.
Amen

Contributed by Jay McDivitt, Mequon, WI

WE HAVE HAD TECHNOLOGY ISSUES OF LATE.   APOLOGIES TO THOSE WHO WERE EAGERLY AWAITING FAITH LENS

Warm-up Question

When were you happy to be invited to a party or dance, or asked out on a date? When have you been disappointed not to be asked? [It’s okay – we’ve all been there… but if you like, you can tell a story about ‘a friend of yours’ instead.]

Homecoming… Going out? Or Coming Home?

In my corner of the country, it’s “homecoming” season. I assume that’s true most everywhere in the US.  High school or college, this is the time for parades, football games, dances, parties… and lots of expectations and pressure.

Now in my early 30s, I honestly can’t remember all the people I went to homecoming, prom, or other important dances with when I was in school. Sometimes I went with a date, sometimes a group of friends, and sometimes I didn’t go at all. I probably have pictures somewhere that could help me construct a list of my “dates” (I only remember going to a dance once with someone I was actually “dating”), but some of those might bring back faint memories at best.

I do, however, remember every one of the people I asked who turned me down. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like rejection is one of the most powerful experiences we can have. We all want to belong. Even if we take pride in being different (as I have many times in my life and still do), we like to be different together with other folks who choose not to fit in. Very few people live happy and rewarding lives being always and forever on the outside.

And yet, this world never tires of finding ways of making us feel like we don’t belong – like we’re not good enough, popular enough, rich enough, beautiful enough. This is especially true in adolescence, but [spoiler alert] it certainly doesn’t end there.

So, back to my homecoming dates or lack thereof.   I remember like it was yesterday writing a very heartfelt note [we didn’t have texting then] to a girl I really liked, asking her to homecoming. I knew she didn’t have a date yet. It was only polite that she should accept, right? But no. In front of a whole group of her very popular friends, she laughed and said, “Keep dreaming.”

In retrospect, I’m glad she said no. We now live very different lives – and I’m very happy with the life and family I have today. But in that moment, I was devastated. And although I have little interest in knowing where she is today or what would have happened if she’d said “yes,” I still remember her name, the words she said, the laughter of her friends, and the piercing hurt I felt in that moment of rejection.

I also, however, remember the life-changing feeling I felt when the person to whom I am now privileged to be married said “yes.” Yes to an invitation to coffee. Yes to dinner. Yes to a life together. Yes to being parents together.

Such little words: “yes” and “no.” But in huge and tiny ways, these words make all the difference.

Discussion Questions

•  What does it feel like to be welcomed or included? What does it feel like to be rejected or left out? Why are these such powerful feelings?
• Do you think of yourself as “popular” or “an outsider”? Have you felt both? Who or what tells you whether you’re an “insider” or “outsider”?
• When have you helped someone feel like they were welcome or included? When have you helped someone feel like they were excluded or on the outside? What does it feel like to welcome and/or exclude other people?

Scripture Texts (NRSV) for Sunday, October 9, 20011 (Seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost)

Isaiah 25.1-9

Philippians 4.1-9

Matthew 22.1-14

(Text links are to Oremus Bible Browser. Oremus Bible Browser is not affiliated with or supported by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. You can find the calendar of readings for Year C at Lectionary Readings.)

For lectionary humor and insight, check the weekly comic Agnus Day.

Gospel Reflection

In Matthew’s gospel there is an intensity, an edge to Jesus’ ministry and teaching (think “weeping and gnashing of teeth”) which is sometimes hard to hear. The community for whom this gospel was written was at a major crossroads in its life together; believers faced lots of pressure to give up the faith. In the midst of that, Matthew’s gospel has an urgent message to those tempted to fall away, a decision that Matthew considered one of life and death seriousness. Today it takes a certain amount of massaging to hear Matthew’s uncompromising words as good news. Yet we also have to be careful of the tendency to take the edge out of this gospel, forgetting  that the Word God offers is indeed a matter of life and death.

The readings from Isaiah and Matthew are full of danger and full of promise. This week’s parable is about being invited – or not – to an important event. While it is tempting and meaningful to think of ourselves as the ones doing the inviting or feeling the rejection, flip it around and consider: What if it is Jesus who is the One who musters up the courage to ask us to the dance, to ask us to a party, and we are the ones who had better things to do than hang out with a loser like him. What if it is God who feels the sting of rejection when we decline the invitation?

That’s where we find God in these stories. God invited the chosen people to a feast to end all feasts, the party to end all parties. But, like those invited in the parable, the Chosen People found all kinds of reasons to say “no.” They had other, hotter, more popular, more alluring offers. Things like wealth, power, popularity… and the false illusion of safety and security and self-worth that those other gods seem to offer.

This hurt and angered God. Like the king in the parable, God appeared to have given up on Israel which he had promised to protect, allowing its nasty neighbors to destroy its cities. People do crazy things when they are publicly shamed and dishonored when they’re trying to be kind and gracious. And so it seemed with God.

And before we move on to the “good news,” it is important to pause and reflect on all the ways that we too ignore, refuse, and decline the gifts God ffers, all the ways we go after other gods when the Source of Life is offering us God’s own hand and heart to have and to hold. God wants to honor us with this invitation.  Too often we dishonor God by having better things to do. This invites us to confession, an honest reflection on the ways we’ve left God standing on the edge of the dance, red-faced with shame, wondering if it was a mistake to ask us to dance in the first place.

But thanks be to God, the story doesn’t end there. Isaiah and Matthew both tell us  of a God who never stops inviting, a God who musters up the courage to ask us again and again to join in the feast of life, the feast that “swallows up death forever,” the feast “for all peoples” that is overflowing with “rich food and well-aged wines.” God calls us to the feast that “wipes away all the tears on all the faces” of people who have been on the inside and the outside and know the disgrace, shame and loss that comes from saying “no” when we should have said “yes.”

The invitation goes out into the streets, where “both the good and the bad” are invited to the party. That’s right, it goes not just to the pretty perfect people, but to all the regular, average, sometimes downright stupid people like you and me. God wants everyone to share in this feast. And God gets what God wants – eventually. Thanks be to God for that. Amen.

Discussion Questions

•  How have you said “no” to God and “yes” to other gods in your life?
• What does it mean to you to be one of the “good and bad” people that God keeps inviting to the party? When have you felt that invitation?
• When do we practice giving and receiving this kind of invitation? How does the church help God invite people to the party? How has the church sometimes failed to help God welcome all people to the table?

Activity Suggestions

•  Gather craft supplies (magazines, markers/pens/crayons, glue, scissors, construction paper, etc.). Pretend you’re God [don’t do this very often, it can get a little weird]. Make invitations to the Feast of Life (the real “Home-coming” dance). Who is invited? How does God invite them? What will happen at the party? When and where will it happen?
• If you have a pastor around (or if you have a pastor who can help you do this with your group), celebrate Holy Communion. Pile the invitations on the table. Pass the bread and wine around the circle and feed each other. Say something like, “God invites you to the Feast of Life. The body of Christ, given for you.” [Leader: This should be obvious, but you may want to drive home the point that this Meal is the Feast of Life – and it is given freely and weekly to all who gather. Thanks be to God!]

Closing Prayer

God, you invite us to join you in the Feast of Life. Forgive us for the times when we find better things to do with our time. Help us to hear your word of forgiveness, grace, and constant welcome and invitation. Bring us back, always and forever, to the table of your grace and mercy. Amen

Contributed by Jay McDivitt,Grace Lutheran Church, Thiensville, WI

Warm-up Question

When you feel betrayed or bullied, how do you deal with those feelings?

Technology + Betrayal = Ruined Lives

The New York Times recently ran a very long article on the dangerous and relatively new world of “sexting” gone terribly wrong . The article focused primarily on a case in Olympia, WA.  A racy cell phone photo went viral when a friend betrayed another friend and sent the photo around the community (and quickly, around the country), combined with nasty names and accusations.

This feature story is just the latest in a long line of tragic stories of technology combined with betrayal to ruin lives.  At the beginning of this school year, a spate of cyber-bullying cases around the country – particularly targeted at lgbt people – led to suicides. That rash of bullying led to a massive video campaign (“It Gets Better”), in which ELCA Presiding Bishop Mark Hanson participated. In March the White House launched a significant campaign to combat cyber-bullying, and states across the country are taking up legislation to control “sexting” and other technologies which can be devastating to young lives.

People have always been bullies. And contrary to what many of us might think, it’s not just kids who find themselves betrayed by friends, bullied for being different, abandoned, or left out.  When love is lost or jealousy takes over, people of all ages deal with all the deadly emotions that come to the surface – and often turn to hurting other people to make themselves feel better.

Bullying and betrayal are nothing new; it’s just that technology has magnified the effect, scope, and duration of the pain inflicted. Digital pictures can be sent to billions of people with a few clicks of a button – and they can stay on phones, servers, and hard drives forever. Every good tool can be used as a weapon, and available technology has made it possible, with very little effort, to inflict lasting and devastating harm  in an instant.

Discussion Questions

• Do you know anyone who has bullied or been bullied online or via cell phone?  Do you know people who once were friends but turned against each other? (You’ll probably want to change names to protect both the guilty and the innocent…)
• Do you think there should be some legal controls on how young people use technology?  How should the legal system, schools, parents, or others deal with the rise in things like “sexting”?
• How can you be helpful when people are being bullied or betrayed?  What is your role as a Christian when people are using technology (or just good old-fashioned words) to make life hell for other people?

Scripture Texts (NRSV) for Sunday, April 17, 2011 (Sunday of the Passion)

Isaiah 50:4-9a

Philippians 2:5-11

Matthew 26:14-27:66

(Text links are to Oremus Bible Browser. Oremus Bible Browser is not affiliated with or supported by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. You can find the calendar of readings for Year C at Lectionary Readings.)

For lectionary humor and insight, check the weekly comic Agnus Day.

Gospel Reflection

This is one very long story. In all four Gospels, Jesus’ “Passion” (the events from his betrayal, through arrest and trial, to his death on a cross) is by far the longest story.  This story, full of heartbreak, may be the most familiar story in Christian life, but that doesn’t make it easy to read.

Part of why this is such a hard story to hear is because it is so full of terrible things that hit close to home for most people. Think about it.  How many people do you know who have

• been betrayed by one of their closest friends, sold out for chump change, popularity, or prestige (26:14-16, 20-25, 47-50);
• been deserted and abandoned by friends when friends were needed the most (26:40-45);
• been falsely accused (26:59-62, 27:11-14);
• had a friend pretend they didn’t know or like them at all – just to fit in (26:69-75);
• been abused, teased, called names (27:39-44);
• felt like God was nowhere to be found in the midst of struggle (27:46)?

The vicious beating and excruciating death may not be common in the halls of your school, but it is a reality all over the world in places where powerful  people abuse, mistreat, and kill with impunity those who challenge or oppose them. This is, literally, one Hell of a story.  And as the awful scene unfolds, it’s impossible not to find ourselves in almost every character’s sandals.

So what’s the good news in this endlessly scary story?  Hanging on the cross is One who knows intimately everything we know and experience – and much more. Jesus has walked in our shoes.  He knows what it is to be betrayed, abandoned, mocked, teased, and deserted.  He knows what it is to doubt and to struggle to see God’s face in the midst of tragedy and loneliness. He knows our story and he carries all our loss and grief in his own body into the grave.

We know how the story ends. “It Gets Better” is a grand understatement for the triumph of Easter morning.  But for many of us and our neighbors Easter dawn isn’t quite here yet.  We still carry the stories of betrayal, loss, loneliness and grief with us as we begin this Holiest of Weeks. Without the brilliance of the empty tomb the cross feels meaningless.  Until Easter breaks perhaps this is enough: You are not alone. Ever. Jesus knows what you’ve been through, knows who you are, and walks with you and for you in the midst of whatever awful things you experience.  He’s been there. He’s there right now. And he will not leave you until it all gets better.

Discussion Questions

• To what character or moment in the Passion story do you most relate? Where do you find yourself in this story?
• Why do you think the writer of Matthew spends so much time telling this story?
• For most churches, this story is told on the same day that we tell the story of Jesus entering Jerusalem on a donkey (two donkeys in Matthew…weird, I know) and being greeted by joyous and worshipful crowds of people waving palm branches.  Not much time passes between that story and the story of betrayal and death.  When have you experienced such a sudden change or turn in your life or the life of someone you know?
• When life is hard, is it helpful to know that Jesus has been there, too?  Is that enough?  What do you need to hear when you’re living through grief or pain or confusion or loss?

Activity Suggestions

Find or make wallet-sized cards (business card size). Each person makes 2 or more cards. Write “You are not alone” on the card.  Add some Bible verses or other words of encouragement. If possible, laminate them. Then think to yourself about a person who may need to hear this good news – someone who is being bullied or left out, someone who has lost friends or changed schools, someone who needs a friend. Pick someone you plan to give one of your cards to.  Carry the other one around with you – for encouragement when you’re feeling lost or lonely, or to give away the next time you see someone hurting.

Think of another way to share the good news that “you are not alone” with someone who needs it.  Talk with the group about what would be a meaningful or effective way to tell people that they are not alone – that it will get better. How can you be Jesus for someone who has been betrayed?

Closing Prayer

Jesus, you know me and you love me with your whole life.  Help me to know and feel your presence when I  feel lost or abandoned; then help me to share this good news with all those who are desperate for a word of hope. Amen.

It seemed like a typical Wednesday at Waukee High School. Maddie and Kaitlyn met before school at their lockers. They talked about their weekend plans. Both had planned to go out to dinner together then go to the Friday night football game. Kaitlyn was excited to talk to Maddie about the post-game party at Adrienne’s house. When she brought up the subject she could quickly recognize the look on Maddie’s face. Maddie hadn’t been invited to the post-game party. Maddie shrugged it off as no big deal and that she had to be home early on Friday anyway because of a commitment early on Saturday morning. She lied so Kaitlyn wouldn’t feel bad. The bell rang, the awkward moment ended, and the friends departed to their first classes.

Maddie spent the rest of the day in personal despair. She asked herself many questions about why she didn’t get invited. Did Adrienne not like her? Had she done something to offend her? They weren’t really that close anyway, how could she expect Adrienne to invite her? She was even a bit mad at Kaitlyn for being invited, but she realized it wasn’t her fault. Not being invited caused Maddie to feel rejection and a lack of acceptance. Her feelings were hurt. She went home and cried.

The weekend came and went. Maddie went home after the football game and her friend, Kaitlyn, headed to the post-game party. Maddie eventually got over it, but never forgot the feeling. She tried to keep this in mind when she saw others not being invited to events that she was invited to.

Discussion Questions

• Have you ever not been invited to something you wanted to go to? Have you ever been invited to something you didn’t want to go to?
• What do you think Kaitlyn felt when she learned that Maddie wasn’t invited?
• How do you think you would have responded?
• What can we do as Christians to invite others?

Scripture Texts (NRSV) for Sunday, October 12, 2008.
(Text links are to oremus Bible Browser. Oremus Bible Browser is not affiliated with or supported by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. You can find the calendar of readings for Year A at Lectionary Readings.)

• Isaiah 25:1-9
• Psalm 23 (5)
• Philippians 4:1-9
• Matthew 22:1-14

For lectionary humor and insight, check the weekly comic Agnus Day.

Scripture Reflection

In the Gospel, Jesus tells the story of a king who gave a wedding banquet for his son. He sends out the message to those who he hopes will come. His messengers depart to go and tell them that the feast is ready. The king’s invited guests respond in different ways. Some ignore his invitation, some leave, some go about their business, and some even mistreat the messengers inviting them to the banquet. The king realizes that those who he has invited are unworthy and sends his messengers to gather people from the streets and fill the hall with guests; making those who seem unworthy, worthy.

Christ invites us all into the banquet of heaven with him. What a great and generous invitation! It feels so good to be invited. Christ gives us this invitation into a relationship with him yet many people turn down the invitation of the Holy Spirit to live their lives alongside Jesus and guided by him. When Christ is trying to speak to you how do you respond? Do you continue about your business? Do you ignore it or leave? Do you mistreat those who may be speaking the good news to you, just because you don’t want to hear it?

Acceptance and love is something that all people crave at the core of their being. With Christ, acceptance and love are continuously extended to us. As Christians, we are invited to share this acceptance with others. We have the opportunity to live fearlessly, knowing that we are loved and part of Christ’s kingdom. We are accepted by Christ and never rejected. Living fearlessly through our acceptance gives us the courage to share the good news with others, including — and especially — people in need of hope, healing, God’s love, and new life.

Discussion Questions

• What is one way Christ speaks to your heart?
• How do you respond to his invitation?
• Do you think that living a life of acceptance in Christ enables us to live fearlessly? What things in life can cause us to back away from living our faith boldly, fearlessly? What things or people stir up our strength and courage of faith to live fearlessly?

Activity Suggestion

• Have an intergenerational congregational birthday party. Send out invitations for all ages. Assign people to sit at intergenerational and family-mixed tables based on the month of their birth. Have a devotion led by different age people, play games, eat cake, and celebrate the diversity of life experiences.
• Send letters to your congregation’s shut-ins. Offer an invitation to go and visit them. Go visit!

Closing Prayer

Blessed Savior, thank you for inviting us to your kingdom. Help us to remember to invite others, knowing that there are great gifts and blessings in this invitation. Bless those who feel like they live their lives on the fringe or are rejected or disconnected. Enable us to extend graciousness and generosity to their lives. In your name we pray. Amen

Contributed by Angie Larson
Clive, IA