Women of the ELCA

Most of my adult life I’ve lived in a land of superlatives: Alaska. It’s the biggest state and home of North America’s highest mountain (Mt. McKinley). Alaska excels in less wonderful statistics too, like being holder of United States’ lowest temperature (-80 F) or having the most inaccessible state capital. Even worse are the statistics that surround suicides here.

Alaska’s suicide rate is twice the national average, and the suicide rate in Alaska Native communities and many villages is even worse. Nearly every adult in our state knows someone who has committed suicide or attempted it.

Twenty-seven years ago suicide became much more intimate to me when a friend—an English teacher who was much loved by her students and respected by her colleagues—did not report to work one cold November morning. Days later, her car and body were found by moose hunters in a remote mountain pass that she had always liked. Apparently she deliberately succumbed to hypothermia.

What a learning experience this tragedy was for faculty, staff and students! We knew she was suffering from a painful knee and was taking medication. At the time, she taught from a wheelchair and was waiting for surgery. Several of us took turns keeping her company, running errands and going out to meals with her. We knew she was hurting; we did not know she was suicidal. We did not know the medication she was taking had warnings about depression being one of its side effects.

She talked about hopelessness and being a burden to others. She quit talking about long-range plans like where she’d go for her next summer trip. The night before her disappearance, friends found her much more at peace and optimistic. They didn’t know that a sudden change of mood, even for the better, can be a warning signal. She had probably decided how and when she was going to act.

With Kay’s death, we learned about the warning signs for suicide. We learned what to do if we see those warning signs in a friend, student or acquaintance.

A few years later, after praying for God’s guidance, I confronted another friend when she showed evidence of those warning signs. I asked her if she was thinking of killing herself. It was good to know that mentioning the s-word and having a factual conversation will not put suicidal ideas in someone’s head. Even though she said she was considering it, she did not follow through on those thoughts. I’m thankful that friend is still alive.

Spring is the season when—contrary to what one might think—more suicides occur. As many people respond to the longer days and warmer weather, those who are seriously depressed may feel more hopeless and left out. What can you do to relieve such suffering?

Ask God’s guidance and listen to God’s nudging that you are God’s hands and voice for helping in the world. Educate yourself. If you Google “suicide warning signs,” you will find information on how to respond. I found this site helpful.

If you are depressed, seek help. Depression is not a shameful condition to be kept hidden. Medications are available. Friends and relatives really care for you, even if you don’t feel worthy of their care. Your pastor can refer you to resources and services.

As Women of the ELCA, our mission is to act boldly on our faith in Jesus Christ. We affirm our gifts to support one another and to promote healing and wholeness. We ask God to help us each act boldly to confront depression and suicide.

Phyllis Rude, of Anchorage, Alaska, is serving a second term on the churchwide executive board of Women of the ELCA.

Editor’s note: The ELCA has a Social Message on Suicide Prevention, available here.

• » Comments (4)

The true romantic and chocolate devotee loves this time of year. And since I’m a sucker for good packaging, I also love all the cutesy pink and red hearts that adorn everything this month. I am thankful that this year I have a valentine—my husband, Aaron. However, before Aaron, I used to hate this holiday. I used to love going to a bakery in Chicago to buy cookies that said, “I love me more” or “Stop calling me” instead of the usual “I love you!” sap.

Last week, a seminarian posted this video from the blog, Feministing.com. It features a rant delivered by a 19-year-old woman in Canada. She expresses her anger about how well-meaning friends and family say things like, “When you meet the right person you will be happy…”or “When you get married. . .” to women who are single.

Her issue is that in this culture, women and girls are raised with the idea that a woman’s worth is judged on whether she has a partner or spouse. She says that single men in their 40s are almost always described as making the choice to be single—yet a woman who is 40 and single or unmarried is somehow to blame for her single status. She is single because she is not valuable or attractive enough to be chosen by a partner.

Her point is valid and I believe this attitude also can exist in our churches. If single people do show up to your congregation, how can they participate? Are there only activities and ministries available for married or retired women or for families and parents?

Kelly Faulstich, a single pastor, writes in this month’s issue of Café  on the topic of celebrating as a single person especially around Valentine’s Day: “When we recognize that we are all sinners in need of God’s grace, we are complete. Considering the lilies of the field or birds of the air, we might remember the Jesus reminds us that we are loved and valued by God (Matthew 6, Luke 12). Waiting to hear someone proclaim that I ‘complete him or her’ might be a craving we have—and it might not be. I am no less of a person, or somehow incomplete, if I live by myself and file a single-income tax return.”

I will try to remember these ideas in the future. If you are not currently in a romantic relationship, how would you like people who are in relationships to welcome you?

Elizabeth McBride loves Valentine’s Day for the chocolate, but not for the sappy commercial sentiment it has come to symbolize. She’s the editor of Café.

• » Comments (2)

Monday morning, while on my way to work, I got a call that my cousin had passed. I recently learned that he was ill and I planned to visit him. Unfortunately, that never happened. So there I sat, disappointed with myself for missing the opportunity to let him know that I loved him and that my prayers would be going out for him.

While grieving may be painful, we must realize that it is a part of life. And the God that we serve is too wise to make mistakes. So when death comes in our lives, we should accept it as our season. It is a time to reflect on the life of our loved one, the good times, the bad times, the joys and the pains. A time to remember the impact he or she made in our life.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-4)

It is also a time to reconnect with family members and friends. Death has a way of putting us in contact with people we haven’t seen since the last funeral. But the next time death darkens your door, instead of going on with life as usual, make an effort to reach out to the people you care about. Let them know how you feel about them and what they mean to you. You never know, this might be the last time you see them.

And finally, it is a time to re-examine your relationship with God. Often times we become angry with God when we lose a loved one. We leave the church and cut ties with members in the congregation. Does alienating ourselves from the church help? No. Cutting ties to God and the church is not the answer.

Women of the ELCA has created a resource to help you in your grieving process. If you’ve lost a loved one and you’re finding it difficult to move on, go to our website and check out The Faces of Grief. May it be a blessing to you.

Deborah Powell is the associate executive director of Women of the ELCA.

• » Comments (2)

I have recently come to realize that an invitation can be a powerful thing. I know this is not an earth-shattering revelation, and I suppose I’ve always known it to be true, but I find myself focused on this idea these days.

Let me start by saying I do not consider myself a blogger, but yet here I am, writing my third blog entry. Why? Because someone saw some potential in me and invited me to write!

Last year, the Altar Guild that I serve on held its second letter-writing campaign in six years to personally invite women of our congregation to join us. Both campaigns yielded about a half-dozen new members, and these women joined simply because someone saw their value as an Altar Guild member and asked them to join!

As I think back even farther, I realize that my years of service on my own synodical board (12 out of 14 years!) was due, both times, to invitations I received from someone to submit my name into nomination. Someone saw something in me that I hadn’t yet seen myself, and that was just the push I needed to get involved.

I also serve on the executive board for Women of the ELCA. True, I had to be elected by a majority of my peers to be in this position, but how did my name end up on a ballot in the first place? It is because somebody saw my potential and invited me to submit my name into nomination.

So now, back to the present: I am thinking a lot these days about how powerful invitations can be. I have had a dream for the past year or so to get new women in my congregation interested in Women of the ELCA, and so I have chosen February 26 (Bold Women’s Day) to hold an information session at church for them. There will be a general invitation in the church bulletin, of course, but I will also personally invite about a dozen women from a list I have been putting together over the past year.

It is my hope that the personal invitation these women receive will be just as powerful for them as the ones I’ve received in the past were. The invitations I received gave me new ways to act boldly on my Christian faith. I hope my invitation to these women, to come and explore what Women of the ELCA can offer them, will do the same for them.

Finally, I also remember a survey I took of the women in my congregation a number of years ago. I wanted to find out why they didn’t participate in our organization. The #1 answer as to why they didn’t participate was, “I have never been invited.” So there you go! Get out there, and join me in doing some inviting!

Kris Brugamyer, of Dickinson, North Dakota, is currently serving a second term on the churchwide executive board of Women of the ELCA.

• » Comments (3)

How are your New Year’s resolutions going? I am still slugging away, but it isn’t easy. My resolution is my desire to become consciousness of my consumption. Now, while a food diet may be the first thing to come to mind when I use that phrase, food is only a small part of it.

Having three weeks off and spending it at home over the holidays was the most generous gift I was able to give to myself but it also brought me face to face with all of my stuff. And, while I realize I don’t have as much stuff as those who live the lifestyle of the rich and famous, I have more than enough.

That is the other phrase I want to learn to use:  more than enough. Because the truth is, most of us in the United States and most if not all who are reading this blog have “more than enough.” Speaking only about myself, I bear an enormous burden of riches when compared to those who live with the Hunger Season. (I’m referring to the families and villages/neighborhoods in many countries of Africa who at this exact time of year face debilitating if not deadly hunger. Ever since I saw how little too many others have, I have tried to learn to live with what I have on hand as well as nurture a conscious gratitude for what I do have along with a non-judgmental yet measuring eye for what I think I need.

2012 is the year I practice conscious consumption. Each item I put into my basket (be I at a bead store, clothing or a food store—or even an electronics gadget store) must be confronted with these questions: is this needed or is there another way to meet this need? If it is only wanted, it is time for me to grow up enough (I say to me) to question my desire to have and to sooth myself with the fact that I already have enough. The caveat is that I am speaking of things—not medication, or car or home maintenance. But even then, I hope to have a reverent gratitude for my ability to obtain. There is no big message in this blog. Only a sharing of something I am trying to learn to do for me.

Inez Torres Davis is Women of the ELCA’s director for justice.

• » Comments (3)

About a week ago, I got a real education… not only did this Florida girl brave the winter weather of Chicago (with all of the customary January flight delays and headaches), but I also got to sit in with some of our brightest and best from the ELCA as I attended a consultation organized by the ELCA staff to inform the work of a task force being established to develop a social statement on justice for women. I shared this weekend with many talented and amazing women from our church, including Carmen Richards, a former Women of the ELCA president. This group included a diverse and innovative gathering of female theologians, a law professor, women of color and many other women from the ELCA with connections to programs that work diligently for this issue of justice for women.

We were all brought together to consider the theological, moral, social, economic, legal and personal issues experienced by women in this society. Certainly there was a commonality among the issues both here and abroad. Think about the many staggering statistics on women in poverty. Consider the need to focus on international issues of war and gender violence. There are also tremendous global differences in education for women. But, we were brought together to offer our unique perspectives on issues of justice for women, and as president of Women of the ELCA, I offered as a point of discussion the essential need for gender equality within the leadership structure of our church.

More specifically, I asked that this group (and ultimately the soon to be appointed task force) to consider what the true role of “women’s ministry” could be in our church if Women of the ELCA were able to be viewed as more than just a historical institution. We know that our organization is often viewed through the lens of the past… something we have always had but don’t necessarily need anymore. Or we have church leadership that reduces our congregational units to just being the sum total of our dedicated activities (quilt-making, altar guild, etc.). To do this is a failure to look deeper and to understand our mission and purpose… to understand that we are more than just a “ladies’ auxiliary” with no purpose beyond the work of our hands.

I am so grateful to know that Women of the ELCA… this community of women… is a living breathing body of women who constantly seek to help each other live out the Gospel in their everyday lives. This organization is not simply a quilting society. Nor are we something separate from the church. As an organization, we have long been advocates for social justice and gender equality. We have provided grants and scholarships to women and girls, both here at home and internationally. We have co-sponsored federal legislation to fight for better health education for women and we have established seed grants for programs that promote health and wholeness for women and girls in our communities.

Women of the ELCA is that place in the church for women to discover and to receive the resources they need so that they can refine their gifts and equip themselves to be leaders of this church.

When the only service requested of a local Women of the ELCA congregational unit is to host the coffee hour or to knit the baptismal blankets, it reinforces outdated practices and stereotypes. It doesn’t provide an opportunity for us to live into the modern reality of our mission statement, “mobilizing women to act boldly on their faith in Jesus Christ!”

But we, too, must share in the responsibility for this stereotypical view of our organization. When we continue to only operate within that comfort zone of the familiar pursuits, we limit the chance for our congregations to see us as relevant and innovative. When we seek no deeper goals than the same “tried and true” events (and never stop to listen to our inner voices that might want to push us to do more), we stunt our spiritual development as leaders in the church.

I THINK IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE! And the beginning of a New Year is just the time to get started!

Think about what you might want to explore in the coming year… what new area of ministry might your congregational unit want to engage in to spark new life within your congregation? We certainly have some people within our congregations who want to keep us “pigeon-holed” as an organization. But with your enthusiasm and passion added to the mix… it will be hard to contain us. All we need to do is give it a try!

Share with me what you see on the horizon for yourself and for the future of Women of the ELCA…

Jenny Michael, of Pensacola, Florida,  is the churchwide president of Women of the ELCA.

• » Comments (0)

Being welcoming and inviting: some of us have to work hard at cultivating those traits. A rather shy person, even after a career of teaching public speaking, I know the tendency to pull back, hoping that the person in front won’t move suddenly and catch me off guard, exposed to the whole room; or the one behind won’t push me forward, so that I stand, inadequate, in a room full of superiors.

Honestly, being a part of this organization has done quite a bit to calm the butterflies that seem drawn to my stomach, bypassing chrysalides, to take up permanent residence there. In fact, I have hidden my fears so well that some have called me a “cheerleader.”

Can you imagine me a cheerleader … me, whose split never got past a 45° angle, even if an offensive lineman pushed down on my head? Yet, as leaders, cheerleading is our challenge, for how can we expect others to be excited if we are not?

Being friendly is what eases the fears of others, even when it seems to take a little past forever to see results. Women need to feel truly welcome. If you think back, that’s probably how you stumbled into this community of women.

Invite women as you would to your house, enthusiastically and warmly, and with no strings attached. Don’t be tempted—in your joy over one new face—to go into “designated worker” mode. Assigning chores is a good way to send women running for the hills!

How do you invite? The last time you invited someone to your home, did you meet her at the door with a dishcloth in your hand, ready to give it over to her?

Dorothy Nevils is the president of the Indiana-Kentucky Synodical Women’s Organization of Women of the ELCA.

• » Comments (4)

As we got home after worship yesterday, my husband told me to sit down and relax, that he’d put the finishing touches on the Sunday dinner he had put in the slow cooker hours before. I didn’t have to be told twice, so I picked up the November/December 2011 issue of a magazine that had somehow escaped my review when it arrived last October (so it often goes in my busy life) and sat down. What ensued wasn’t exactly the most relaxing read I had briefly envisioned.

Before I could even get to the table of contents our grandson needed some bathroom assistance. That accomplished, I went back to the magazine. In fairly rapid succession, my reading was interrupted with a variety of preschooler inquiries, including the perennial “Nonna, kiss it and make it all better.” Then our less than petite Maine Coon jumped up on my lap, blocking all access to the magazine. The preschooler, not to be outdone, decided he needed to be on Nonna’s lap too. It was just about then that my husband apologetically asked for some help in the kitchen.

I checked myself, even as the words formed in my mind (“All I want is a moment to myself to get to the first story in this magazine … at this rate it’ll be next October until I get this magazine read …). I was in a warm house on a cold winter’s day. We had food enough to create a wonderful meal, and it was being made by my loving husband. An adorable preschooler wanted to play games with me, even believed that my kiss had healing powers. The unconditional love of a kitty cat, accompanied by his strong purr, warmed my heart. Indeed, the magazine could wait.

Linda Post Bushkofsky is the executive director of Women of the ELCA.

• » Comments (3)

Over the years, women in the United States have advocated for equality with men in several areas: voting (success 1920); military combat (not totally there yet, but closer); sports (education, really, known as Title IX, 1972); and pay (we’re still working on this one!).

The struggle of women for equality with men in the United States is ongoing. And we’re doing such a good job that the term for a woman who supports equality—feminist—is often considered a four-letter word.

What we don’t hear much about are men who want equality with women.  However, last week a man commenting on Gather magazine’s Facebook page requested just that. And I, for one, was thrilled. David wrote: “I’m impressed with Gather‘s content! How could we include men in the Gather discussions? Women in the church gather to grow while men scatter.”

Editor Kate Elliott responded, “David, anyone can subscribe to Gather and we’d love it if men wanted to use the content to start a small group discussion or Bible study in their congregation! Conversation about the articles and Bible study could be part of adult education with mixed groups too. I can’t tell you how many men have commented to us that they read their wives’ copy of the magazine every month (one told me he tries to fish it out of the mail before she sees it so he can read it first).”

One of the reasons we changed the name of the magazine was to interest and include more readers, including full communion partners without a women’s magazine, and, of course, men. Men often contribute to our pages by writing articles and Bible studies. In fact, we feature a male pastor in one of our newest ads: Pastor Erik Christensen of St. Luke’s Lutheran Church, Logan Square, in Chicago, IL,  actually reads and uses the magazine.

Our magazine’s name and tagline is: Gather for Faith and Action. We don’t exclude or include either gender in that tagline. In this day and age, I don’t think the church can afford to turn away any evangelist, male or female. We are called to spread the Good News, and if Gather magazine can help with that, we would be delighted. How about you? How do you feel about men subscribing to Gather and forming a study group?

Terri Lackey is managing editor of Gather. Consider buying your husband, father, brother and/or son a subscription. While you’re at it, join our discussions on Facebook.

• » Comments (2)