Women of the ELCA

Being welcoming and inviting: some of us have to work hard at cultivating those traits. A rather shy person, even after a career of teaching public speaking, I know the tendency to pull back, hoping that the person in front won’t move suddenly and catch me off guard, exposed to the whole room; or the one behind won’t push me forward, so that I stand, inadequate, in a room full of superiors.

Honestly, being a part of this organization has done quite a bit to calm the butterflies that seem drawn to my stomach, bypassing chrysalides, to take up permanent residence there. In fact, I have hidden my fears so well that some have called me a “cheerleader.”

Can you imagine me a cheerleader … me, whose split never got past a 45° angle, even if an offensive lineman pushed down on my head? Yet, as leaders, cheerleading is our challenge, for how can we expect others to be excited if we are not?

Being friendly is what eases the fears of others, even when it seems to take a little past forever to see results. Women need to feel truly welcome. If you think back, that’s probably how you stumbled into this community of women.

Invite women as you would to your house, enthusiastically and warmly, and with no strings attached. Don’t be tempted—in your joy over one new face—to go into “designated worker” mode. Assigning chores is a good way to send women running for the hills!

How do you invite? The last time you invited someone to your home, did you meet her at the door with a dishcloth in your hand, ready to give it over to her?

Dorothy Nevils is the president of the Indiana-Kentucky Synodical Women’s Organization of Women of the ELCA.

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As we got home after worship yesterday, my husband told me to sit down and relax, that he’d put the finishing touches on the Sunday dinner he had put in the slow cooker hours before. I didn’t have to be told twice, so I picked up the November/December 2011 issue of a magazine that had somehow escaped my review when it arrived last October (so it often goes in my busy life) and sat down. What ensued wasn’t exactly the most relaxing read I had briefly envisioned.

Before I could even get to the table of contents our grandson needed some bathroom assistance. That accomplished, I went back to the magazine. In fairly rapid succession, my reading was interrupted with a variety of preschooler inquiries, including the perennial “Nonna, kiss it and make it all better.” Then our less than petite Maine Coon jumped up on my lap, blocking all access to the magazine. The preschooler, not to be outdone, decided he needed to be on Nonna’s lap too. It was just about then that my husband apologetically asked for some help in the kitchen.

I checked myself, even as the words formed in my mind (“All I want is a moment to myself to get to the first story in this magazine … at this rate it’ll be next October until I get this magazine read …). I was in a warm house on a cold winter’s day. We had food enough to create a wonderful meal, and it was being made by my loving husband. An adorable preschooler wanted to play games with me, even believed that my kiss had healing powers. The unconditional love of a kitty cat, accompanied by his strong purr, warmed my heart. Indeed, the magazine could wait.

Linda Post Bushkofsky is the executive director of Women of the ELCA.

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Over the years, women in the United States have advocated for equality with men in several areas: voting (success 1920); military combat (not totally there yet, but closer); sports (education, really, known as Title IX, 1972); and pay (we’re still working on this one!).

The struggle of women for equality with men in the United States is ongoing. And we’re doing such a good job that the term for a woman who supports equality—feminist—is often considered a four-letter word.

What we don’t hear much about are men who want equality with women.  However, last week a man commenting on Gather magazine’s Facebook page requested just that. And I, for one, was thrilled. David wrote: “I’m impressed with Gather‘s content! How could we include men in the Gather discussions? Women in the church gather to grow while men scatter.”

Editor Kate Elliott responded, “David, anyone can subscribe to Gather and we’d love it if men wanted to use the content to start a small group discussion or Bible study in their congregation! Conversation about the articles and Bible study could be part of adult education with mixed groups too. I can’t tell you how many men have commented to us that they read their wives’ copy of the magazine every month (one told me he tries to fish it out of the mail before she sees it so he can read it first).”

One of the reasons we changed the name of the magazine was to interest and include more readers, including full communion partners without a women’s magazine, and, of course, men. Men often contribute to our pages by writing articles and Bible studies. In fact, we feature a male pastor in one of our newest ads: Pastor Erik Christensen of St. Luke’s Lutheran Church, Logan Square, in Chicago, IL,  actually reads and uses the magazine.

Our magazine’s name and tagline is: Gather for Faith and Action. We don’t exclude or include either gender in that tagline. In this day and age, I don’t think the church can afford to turn away any evangelist, male or female. We are called to spread the Good News, and if Gather magazine can help with that, we would be delighted. How about you? How do you feel about men subscribing to Gather and forming a study group?

Terri Lackey is managing editor of Gather. Consider buying your husband, father, brother and/or son a subscription. While you’re at it, join our discussions on Facebook.

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The plea of colorblindness is a common plea of (mostly white) well-intentioned people. Of course the actual inability to see colors is not being claimed, but rather there is a seeing *beyond* a person’s color that is implied. This colorblindness takes Dr. King’s dream that one day his children would be judged for the content of their character and not the color of their skin and twists it to say that seeing each other’s color is somehow bad.

For years, I struggled with this part of the dream-turned-nightmare, trying to communicate how dehumanizing it is to be told that when I am seen, my color is not a part of what is seen. That people meant well when they said it only intensified the burden.

Years ago, I found an answer. I continue to instruct women in this way today. So, if you are a woman reading this please, recall a time when you were the only woman on a board or a committee. Go “back there” and remember. Please, get in touch with that experience. Take moments to really feel it before continuing to read this.

And, now, imagine one of the men on that committee or board turning to you one day just before the meeting began—maybe while you are both getting coffee. Imagine him turning to you and saying to you with satisfaction and pride, “(Fill in your name), when I look at you, I don’t see a woman.” Stay there. Feel for as long as you can…God is with you, so you can allow yourself to feel it.

Do you feel affirmed or complimented? More assured and confident? Able to give your best at that meeting? What are you feeling?

This is one reason I am so grateful to work with women. White women have a bridge; within their flesh and bones is a way to a visceral and imprinted understanding of how being told “when I look at you, I don’t see your color” is not a positive statement. On this day, I pray we each commit ourselves to going deeper in our understanding of King’s dream; and may we, together, discover ways to bring that dream to life in full, living color!

Inez Torres Davis is Women of the ELCA’s director for justice.

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Raising Up Healthy Women and Girls is the initiative of Women of the ELCA. When we think about the future of this organization, we want our women to be emotionally fit, spiritually fit as well as physically fit. How do we make this happen? The first step in developing ESP-fit women starts with childhood. I believe the problem with our young people today is our older people (the parents). We have gotten away from what the Bible says about child rearing. As Christians, we are to adhere to Romans 12:2 where Paul tells us not to conform to the things of this world. Yet, we have not stood firm on God’s word when it comes to raising our children. The Bible clearly states in Proverbs 23:13-14:  Do not withhold discipline from your children; if you beat them with a rod, they will not die.  If you beat them with the rod, you will save their lives from Sheol. Yet, as Christians, we are reluctant to spank our children. We listen to Dr. Spock and other experts who teach against disciplining by spanking. They insist that placing children in time-out is the more humane form of discipline.

Spare the rod, spoil the child. This is a proverb that I’ve heard all my life. Why didn’t I listen to it? As a parent, I have personally tried both methods of discipline. I now have two grown daughters. One was spanked more times than I can remember and the other was never spanked. I know that every child is different but I can truly see a difference in these two. I attribute the differences to the way they were disciplined. The child that was spanked is more independent and is able to take responsibility for the decisions she makes. On the other hand, the child that was not spanked has a lot more growing up to do. She tends to rely on others (me) to take care of business matters, and there are always excuses if something goes wrong. She is spoiled rotten.

Proverbs 13:24 Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them. This proverb states that discipline, when administered in love, can be a helpful tool for growth. It’s a principle to keep in mind when God disciplines us through trials and tribulations.

What is your response to Proverbs 13:24?

Deborah Powell is the associate executive director of Women of the ELCA.

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Last Wednesday, the spotlights of every TV news network shined on the Iowa Caucus. I enjoy election coverage, but it threatens to give a false sense of connection with my fellow Americans. For instance, I’m prone to start thinking I understand the residents of an Iowa county just because I watch it change from Romney red to Santorum blue on an interactive CNN map.

So, I’m glad that Women of the ELCA provides an alternative way to focus my attention on the people of Iowa, and every primary state to come. When I saw the Iowa maps on TV, I thought of recent phone calls, conference calls and emails with our Women of the ELCA leaders in Iowa and the other 49 states. We’ve had plenty to discuss, but the election has not come up once. They may care greatly about national politics, but there is so much more to their lives.

My resolution for this election year is to let the election maps and graphs pique my curiosity about the women who are in each state, shaping communities, supporting families and leading organizations. With curiosity piqued, I will try to learn and connect. Did you know that more than 5,600 Iowans subscribe to our magazine, Gather? I didn’t either, until I sent an email to a colleague today. With a little help from a Google search, I’ve already learned a lot more:

• The women’s organization in Western Iowa helped its companion synod in Tanzania to purchase a plantation and convert it into one of the highest-ranked girls secondary schools in the country (13^th out of 2000!).
• Women in Southeastern Iowa will gather next month for their annual Winter Retreats at Camp Pilgrim Heights and Camp Wyoming, to study and reflect on spiritual gifts, using the Women of the ELCA resource Gifts for you: Opening your spiritual gifts.
• A new board member in the Northeastern Iowa SWO is the Director of a cooperative ministry serving Clayton County. She lives on a farm and attends the same church where she was baptized as a child.
• All three synodical women’s organizations in Iowa have websites where you can access their newsletters and calendars.

Women of the ELCA, at its best, is a life-changing network of women acting boldly on their faith, throughout the U.S. and in the Caribbean. If the elections of 2012 direct our curiosity toward each other and strengthen our connections, well, that’s an interactive map I’d like to see.

Emma Crossen is Women of the ELCA’s director for stewardship and development.

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“On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my true love gave to me twelve drummers drumming…” goes the final verse of the familiar carol. I’m sure that the true love would no longer be my true love if I received such a gift, especially atop all the other gifts of the previous eleven days. Who would want all that noise and commotion at a Christmas celebration?

The gift of the Twelve Days of Christmas, though, I really appreciate.

One year when my children were young and I was a full-time English teacher as well as wife and mother, I discovered that the Lutheran church encourages celebrating the Christmas season from December 25 to January 5, not during the Advent season. Christmas is NOT finished on December 25 as all the secular hoopla over Christmas would have us believe. Instead, the Twelve Days of Christmas just begin on December 25. Despite hearing no more carols on the radio or seeing no more Christmas specials on television, we can continue celebrating Christmas and our Lord’s coming to earth many more days.

Christmas Day should and can start with worship, for all festivities do not have to be concluded by the evening of December 25. We have twelve days in which to entertain, relax and enjoy the Christmas tree and seasonal decorations and play with new toys. We can wear those poinsettia-decorated sweaters and festive angel brooches and munch on the rest of the turkey and extra desserts and cookies that couldn’t possibly be devoured in one big orgy on December 24 or December 25. Christmas cards are still timely if mailed to arrive before Epiphany on January 6. Thanks to CDs we can continue to listen to Christmas music. We can continue to read Christmas themed books and feel in season.

Some cultures mark Twelfth Night with revelry. I may not indulge in that activity, but only with the coming of Epiphany tomorrow will I begin feeling I’m procrastinating when the tree is still lit in my living room and the crèche is still on display. In the meantime, today I can wish everyone Merry Christmas one last time.

Phyllis Rude, of Anchorage, Alaska, is serving a second term on the churchwide executive board.

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It’s that time of year again. Time to make resolutions that I will ultimately break. Lose weight. Eat fewer carbs. Eat more fruit and vegetables. Be nicer to people. Don’t gripe. Don’t hate. Don’t honk.

I want to be a better person. I really do. But I’m in my mid 50s. Can I even change now? Is my personality (and desire to consume junk candy and honk at slowpoke drivers) cemented into my core?

I think I might be a grouch. Recently, a co-worker labeled me as that (or something like it). And even as a little kid, my family used to call me Aunt Co. That was my spinster, great-aunt who was known for griping and grumbling. I asked my husband if I was grouchy, and he slowly nodded, “Sometimes.”

In Sunday school (adult education) at church, we’re learning about our shadow selves, a Jungian concept outlined in Richard Rohr’s new book, Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life (Jossey-Bass).

“Your shadow is what you refuse to see about yourself, and what you do not want others to see,” Rohr writes. “The more you have cultivated and protected a chosen persona, the more shadow work you will need to do.”

He continues: “Be especially careful therefore of any idealized role or self-image, like that of minister, mother, doctor, nice person, professor, moral believer, or president of this or that.”

If you live out of your shadow life, he says, you can’t recognize who you really are.

Maybe, since I believe I’m a grouch (and many others believe it too!) I am really a nice person. Maybe I live out out of my shadow and I’m trying to hide the good person I really am. (Giggle.) But maybe.

It’s something to think about as we begin a new year. Not just “What are my New Year’s resolutions?” but “How do I live in a way that is true to who I really am?”

What shadow are you living under? How can you be more true to yourself?

Terri Lackey is managing editor of Gather magazine.

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