Women of the ELCA

I get a lot of email from public relations firms. I somehow got on a big list somewhere, and when “women” pops up in the name of the place where I work, they send me pitches on stuff they figure women will interested in–cookware, gourmet food products, books, etc.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month is coming up in October, so a couple weeks ago I got an email from an auto parts company announcing their new pink-ribbon-branded windshield wipers, “the windshield wiper blade that is working to ‘Wipe Out Breast Cancer.’”(I can just see the marketing person at a staff meeting pitching this idea, can’t you? “Hey, we make wipers … and everyone wants to ‘wipe out’ breast cancer … this is perfect!” Yup, absolute creative marketing genius there …

My first reaction to this email was, “Are you kidding me? Are you serious? Windshield wipers?” I was really annoyed. And so then I had to figure out why I was getting so annoyed.

It’s not like I haven’t been touched in some way by breast cancer. Like most people, I can name friends and family who have dealt with it, including my mother.

What was bugging me, I think, is that while all this raising awareness is all well and good, it’s gotten out of hand when windshield wipers are getting pink-ribboned. Some would argue it got out of hand long ago.

See. companies get in on cause marketing because they have seen other companies make money on it and boost their reputations. They don’t pink-ribbon their stuff because they’re altruistic–though to be fair, I’ll give some benefit of the doubt that the desire to do good does play some role. But companies primarily do this sort of thing because it’s good business strategy: Giving away a little bit of money makes you even more money, because consumers, all else being equal, will support a product that does something good or supports a cause. It’s good PR.

So am I asking you to boycott pink-ribboned products because the corporations behind them are only motivated by profit? No. But I do think we should question how much we’re really doing when we “buy pink.” Lots of food for thought on this at www.thinkbeforeyoupink.com.

So how much are you influenced by pink ribbons and promotions? And is there so much of it now that it matters  less to you than it used to?

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Today the three-day United Nations High-level Plenary Meeting on the Millennium Development Goals – or MDG summit – concluded. The MDG summit was held to accelerate progress towards achieving the Millennium Development Goals on time … which is by 2015. The MDGs set out to end poverty, a seemingly Herculean task.

You were there today as U.N. Secretary Ban Ki-moon announced the commitment of more than $40 billion for women’s and children’s health in the next five years. How so? Women of the ELCA is a member of the Women’s Funding Network, and today the WFN announced that member funds had committed $7 million in health focused grants to the top 25 focus countries for maternal, newborn and child mortality for 2011.

For Women of the ELCA, our commitment this year comes in the form of grants made to health-related ministries in Bangladesh, India, Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda.

As WFN’s announcement said, “We believe that by investing in women as solution builders, women’s funds are positioned to exponentially increase the impact of their work on the ground, spreading positive sustainable systematic change for the maximum number of beneficiaries, thus bringing human security to families, entire communities and nations. Our Networks believe that women’s and children’s health and well being are intertwined with a myriad of other factors, including reproductive rights and social determinants such as community violence levels, employment, self-esteem and environmental conditions. This multi-issue approach to funding, focusing not only on health indicators but changing physical and social environments such as poverty, homelessness, and domestic violence, coupled with increasing individual knowledge and skills, provides a holistic approach to improving women’s and children’s health.”

You can add your personal support to Women of the ELCA’s grants program today through a financial gift. Supporting our grants program is one way in which women act boldly on their faith in Jesus Christ who calls us to care for the sick, those living in poverty, those who are injured and in need. Make a gift today.

Linda Post Bushkofsky is executive director of Women of the ELCA.

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A new book called Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow into Troublesome Gaps, by Lise Eliot, Ph.D., discusses the brain differences between boys and girls. Although modest at birth, when combined with social and other factors they evolve into much stronger and sometimes alarming differences.  How can we fight against the social norms when raising girls and boys?  Take this quiz from her book and see how you do!

True or False

1. Bouncy seats and ExerSaucers are great for babies, and parents should make use of them whenever possible.

2. Girls shouldn’t be expected to play with Legos and other “boy” toys.

3. Once children can read by themselves, it’s not good to keep reading aloud to them.

4. Girls should spend more time playing video games.

5. Boys should be spared awkward social interactions when company comes to visit.

The answers:

1. False   Babies need to stretch their limbs, develop balance, and learn to support their own bodies. Girls, especially, need more physical challenges early on to avoid falling behind boys in gross motor skills during the preschool years.

2. False   Playing with building toys (not just Legos but more gender-neutral options like wooden blocks, Lincoln Logs, and K’Nex), especially ones that involve translating a series of instructional diagrams into 3-D structures, helps enhance the visual-spatial skills linked to later math achievement.

3. False   Boys, especially, tend to fall behind in reading during the school years, but they still need their vocabularies increased and imaginations fueled. While girls are sometimes more apt to pick up a book once they can read by themselves, boys may need help getting immersed in a good novel.

4. True   While boys are spending too much time playing computer and video games, girls are not spending enough. Fast-paced driving and targeting games have been proven to strengthen spatial skills, the one area of math in which girls consistently lag behind boys.

5. False   It’s too easy to let a shy or awkward boy run outside or up to his room when guests arrive, but interpersonal skills need practice just like anything else. Use these opportunities to teach boys to say hello, make eye contact, shake hands and try having a conversation.

Do you find yourself struggling with the social norms for boys or girls ? How do you think we’re doing?

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The Internet is largely responsible for the sharp increase in young girls being sexually exploited or trafficked. Craigslist made news recently when it stopped listing adult services on September 3, 2010, after attorneys general from seventeen states demanded that the company do so. (Craigslist had no way to control who viewed this material.) The attention of these state officials grew out of pressure from Craigslist users and social justice advocates.

But those who used to use Craigslist have simply moved on to other sites. I will not toss the confetti until I see Craigslist become a larger part of the solution.

There is a clash of views on how to solve the problems of human trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation of minors online. The first amendment rights argument has been made and Craigslist (rightly or wrongly) feels unduly targeted. But there are things many things the different sides agree on.

For example, there are ways to track Internet users that post ads. The Department of Justice believes that the laws already exist for prosecuting those that post child pornography or seek the purchase of the same. Operation Guardian Angel caught several people who arranged to meet with minors for sex. The sentence for such actions (depending on what is provable) is from five years to life imprisonment.

Cooperation and collaboration among law enforcement entities also needs to be expanded, and we need to decriminalize the victims in domestic trafficking; it is our moral duty to make sure young women (and to a lesser extent, young men) do not have their lives doubly ruined because they have been victimized. Removing them from the environment is required if we are to effectively save the victims.

I happen to believe that the consumer is also a victim and that counseling with treatment is as essential as preventing them from buying a child for sex through the Internet.

Women of the ELCA has made combating commercial sexual exploitation and human trafficking a focus. I encourage us all to follow congress and the Department of Justice as they move forward in removing this blight from our society.

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A professor of management at a top-flight university will soon be publishing a study whose basic conclusion is this: Age-related cognitive decline–particularly, the decline in one’s ability to regulate one’s behavior–results in elderly persons being more likely to speak their minds in uncomfortable social situations and therefore provide better advice.

 “Age-related Decline in Executive Function Predicts Better Advice-Giving in Uncomfortable Social Contexts” says that older adults give better advice than younger adults because they are less concerned, due to cognitive decline, with being offensive.

But is this lesser degree of concern with offending simply the result of an aging brain–a biological consequence of getting older, like arthritis–or the result of age-related confidence?

Some of the most outspoken people I’ve known have been older adults who are far, far away from anything resembling cognitive decline. They’ve simply experienced a lot of life. They’ve been there, done that, seen it and therefore have more confidence to just speak their minds.

One of my favorite stories about my always-outspoken godmother happened at a lunch she, I and my mother had a few months after my mother was unexpectedly widowed at 57. My godmother, Elizabeth, was, at the time, 65 (hardly old). We were gently encouraging my mother to meet people and get out more. Elizabeth told my mother that her brother Jerry (a 60-year-old widower) had asked about her and wanted Elizabeth to tell her he’d like to get together some time and have dinner, since they didn’t live far from one another.

My mother hemmed and hawed. “Oh, I don’t know … it just feels kind of funny …” Now keep in mind that my mother had known Jerry for nearly 40 years, so he was hardly a stranger. I’d known him all my life too. Great guy. I’m thinking to myself, “for pete’s sake, it’s just dinner with a guy you’ve known forever!”

Elizabeth looks across the table at my mother after some back and forth like this and says, “It’s just having dinner. You don’t have to have sex with him.”

I nearly spit my soup across the table.

And you know what? They had dinner. And they had dinner again. And they’ve become the best of friends.

Did Elizabeth give out that good advice because cognitive decline was interfering with her self-regulation? Seems to me more like she just knew what was good for my mother.

Maybe it’s some of both. What do you think? Is your aging brain the reason you speak your mind more easily as you get older, or is it all those years of living that have just made you that much more confident?

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My second-grader started school this week. I had been looking forward to walking him to school that first day, but as we were walking and were about a block from the school, he turned to me and said, “OK, you can go now.” Ouch.

At first I thought, where’s the love? Then I thought, well, he’s independent, and that’s a good thing. Then I thought, he thinks I’ll embarrass him. Do the other second-grade boys feel the same way?

What does this mean about me as a parent? I mean, in this day and age, you actually get questions like, “What’s your parenting style?” My style? I don’t think I fit one category. One day, my kid is playing quietly in his room, reading books to his little sister and mowing the lawn. The next, he’s playing FIFA soccer on the XBOX for two hours straight while eating carmel brownies for lunch.

I think it’s safe to say I don’t fit into the same “type” of parenting from one day to the next.

Is that even possible? And in case you didn’t know, there are three official types of parenting. Let’s review.

Authoritarian: Children raised with this parenting style are usually not allowed to think freely or make decisions on their own. They often grow up to have problems with thinking for themselves. Ouch. Trying to stay away from that one.

Permissive. There is often a lot of affection and warmth with this parenting style … the downside, though, is that children do not learn that rules are sometimes necessary. They learn that no matter what they do, they will not be punished. This can lead to a life-long rebellion against any type of rule or structure. Really? A whole life of rebellion? Sounds pretty dramatic.

Democratic. Democratic parenting is a style of parenting where everyone works together. Children will usually grow up to respect their parents and to be able to handle conflicts and problems in a reasonable manner. Now, give me break: Does that describe any household you know?

I don’t  truly see myself in any of these. Do you? What type of parent are you?

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School is starting up all over the country. It’s the time for #2 pencils, matching lunch boxes and backpacks and at least one outfit that makes either the mother or the daughter roll her eyes. It’s also time to say thanks for the special teachers who helped shape our lives.

Mrs. Catherine Chatten taught my fifth grade English class. I can still remember two distinct assignments from Mrs. Chatten. In a letter-writing segment we were to write to a famous person, seeking information from that person. I wrote to the Queen of England, and today I still have the response I received from Queen Elizabeth’s lady-in-waiting. In another writing exercise, we were to write a short story, and I remember writing what I imagined would be the next story line for the Nancy Drew mystery series!

A letter from Queen Elizabeth's lady-in-waiting

Mrs. Eleanor Wunder taught my eighth grade English class. Mrs. Wunder used a wide array of techniques to keep us interested in reading and writing. When we read Shakespeare’s Julius Cesear, we held a potluck Roman banquet and tried to dress in period costumes. We even produced what we imagined a newspaper might have looked like at the time, telling the Julius Cesear news. When we did a unit on poetry, we published an anthology of our work entitled Red Feathers (our school mascot was the cardinal). I still have both the mimeographed newspaper (younger readers can ask the over-50 crowd about mimeographs) and Red Feathers.

Both Mrs. Chatten and Mrs. Wunder had the ability to bring out the best in every student, diverse as we were. Both nurtured and encouraged my love of writing. I hadn’t thought about this until now, but I suppose I became an English major in college in no small part due to these two women and their influence.

It occurs to me too just now that both these women were married to Lutheran pastors. (That explains the Roman potluck, doesn’t it? My marrying a Lutheran pastor is purely coincidental, really.)

I still correspond with Mrs. Chatten each Christmas, but I think I’ll send a special note to her this week with a copy of this post. I just found Mrs. Wunder on Facebook and sent a friend request with a link to this blog post.

Who were the teachers that inspired and influenced you? Have you had the opportunity to say thanks?

Linda Post Bushkofsky has been writing since fifth grade … and getting paid to write since 1979.

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