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January 31, 2016, The Pain of Rejection

Ellen Rothweiler, Des Moines, IA

Warm-up Question

What do you do when you experience pain?

The Pain of Rejection

shutterstock_345688478(1) Rejection is something most of us have experienced in our life. But, did you know that the brain experiences rejection as a form of physical pain? So breaking your arm and being rejected by your peers can have similar responses in the brain and can feel equally painful!
Studies have shown that children and teens often experience real and lingering pain of rejection more keenly than others. These feelings of rejection can impact the child’s overall health, both physically and socially. In a study done by Mark Leary, PhD, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, 15 cases of school shooters were analyzed and he discovered all but two suffered from social rejection. His research published in the journal Aggressive Behavior says, “Ostracized people sometimes become aggressive and can turn to violence.”
This pain, like any physical pain, can often take time to recover from and cause other issues if not dealt with. It is important that we pay attention to our emotional health and be aware of the impact that rejection can have on others.

Discussion Questions

  • Share a time when you have felt rejected.
  • Share a time when you have rejected someone.
  • Does the relationship you have with someone impact how you respond to being rejected by them? Explain.

Fourth Sunday After Epiphany

Jeremiah 1:4-10

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Luke 4:21-30
(Text links are to Oremus Bible Browser. Oremus Bible Browser is not affiliated with or supported by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. You can find the calendar of readings for Year B at Lectionary Readings
For lectionary humor and insight, check the weekly comic Agnus Day.

Gospel Reflection

In this passage from the Gospel of Luke, Jesus is preaching and teaching in his hometown. The crowd is full of people who have known him most of his life and see him as the son of Joseph. People’s worth was often measured by their parentage in the ancient Hebrew culture so that was an important part of his identity. The people were proud of him, excited to hear what he had to say. That is, until he said something that was difficult for them to hear. Then, they ran him out of town!
It is funny how precarious acceptance can be, especially with people who think they know all about you. You can feel like a well-liked part of a group and then you share an opinion that is not popular and you find yourself on the outside, rejected.
It is important to take note of how Jesus responded to this rejection. In verse 30 it says “but he passed through the midst of them and went on his way.” Jesus seems unaffected by this rejection. He predicted they would respond this way in verse 24 “….no prophet is accepted in the prophet’s hometown”. Jesus, being both fully human and fully divine may have felt this rejection as we do, but he had things to do. He was on a mission. We too, have a calling in life that God has given us. Sometimes rejection can be that thing that pushes us forward but that does not mean it is not painful. Often the pain of rejection can bring a new sense of identity. Jesus was not only Joseph’s son but the Son of God sent to redeem the world.

Discussion Questions

  • Why do you think that Jesus said “no prophet is accepted in the prophet’s hometown”?
  • List three words that describe your identity.
  • What groups/people have an impact on your identity?

Activity Suggestion

As a group share qualities that you see in each other. Have each group member share three things they have noticed about the character of the person to their right. This should be a time of affirmation not criticism. As the leader of the group, take time to reflect back the qualities you hear that you see influencing each participants identity.

Closing Prayer

Lord we thank you for claiming us as your children in baptism. We know that this is our primary identity and that you will never reject us. Please be with us when we feel rejected by others and we pray for those who do not feel accepted by or connected to a community. Help us to welcome them and show them your love.
Amen

April 14, 2013–The Power of Not Saying Sorry

Contributed by Jay McDivitt, Thiensville, WI

 

Warm-up Question

Think of a time when you did and a time when you did not apologize for something you did wrong. How does it feel to say you’re sorry? How does it feel not to?

The Power of Not Saying Sorry

shutterstock_10860583editResearchers Tyler Okimoto, Michael Wenzel, and Kyli Hendrick recently reported on a study they did about the effects of apologizing – or not. Their findings were very interesting.  Apologizing often does make someone feel better. However, choosing not to apologize also makes a person feel better – and, often, better than they would have felt had they apologized.

Why? Because: “When you refuse to apologize, it actually makes you feel more empowered,” Okimoto said in an interview with NPR. “That power and control seems to translate into greater feelings of self-worth.”  This research reveals something powerful about human psychology and the power of being in control. It also might help us understand how we might better approach folks who we believe need to apologize. When we force people to apologize (as we often do with children), it makes them feel like they don’t have any power or self-control, that they are not in control of their choices. A forced apology is usually not very heartfelt and, thus, not meaningful.  Love and support, on the other hand, may lead folks to more freely and meaningfully apologize because they can work to heal a relationship without the threatening feelings of being forced.

 

Discussion Questions

  • What do you think? When have you been forced to apologize? (“Say you’re sorry…or else!”) How does that feel?
  • When you know you’ve done something wrong, what does it take to get you to say you’re sorry?
  • When someone apologizes to you, can you tell whether they mean it or not? What difference does it make?

Scripture Texts (NRSV) for Sunday, April 14, 2013 (Third Sunday of Easter)

Acts 9:1-20

Revelation 5:11-14

John 21:1-19

(Text links are to Oremus Bible Browser. Oremus Bible Browser is not affiliated with or supported by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. You can find the calendar of readings for Year C at Lectionary Readings.)

For lectionary humor and insight, check the weekly comic Agnus Day.

 

Gospel Reflection

At the end of this gospel story, Jesus pulls Peter aside for a private conversation. He asks him three times, “Do you love me?” And each time, when Peter replies that he does love Jesus, the risen Christ says (again, three times): “Feed/tend my lambs/sheep.” Then Jesus explains to Peter that if he decides to follow through on this command to tend the flock, life for Peter will be challenging and dangerous. He will not be in control of his own life. He will suffer. He will die before he is ready.

Letting that sink in for a moment, then Jesus invites Peter to “follow me.” What’s going on here?  Remember that not long ago Peter was given the opportunity to show his love for Jesus by publicly claiming to belong to him. Three times, as Jesus was on trial and being prepared for death, Peter was asked if he knew and followed Jesus. Three times, Peter denied it. He let his fear get the better of him.  Jesus died without the solace of knowing that one of his closest friends would be there for him when the road became difficult. Peter felt terrible about what he had done. Terrible times three.

Imagine, then, how Peter was feeling when all of a sudden Jesus shows up by the seaside. Imagine the guilt and shame churning in his stomach when Jesus pulls him aside for a private chat. He expected a reprimand; he deserved harsh judgment. What he got instead was another chance to be in loving relationship with Jesus. Another chance to share in his ministry. Another chance to be a disciple. Another chance to show that Jesus was worthy of love.

Instead of judgment, he received grace and a purpose. Three times.  And so it is with the rest of us. We show up to church with any number of reasons to feel guilty or ashamed. We have much to confess. We deny our love for Jesus as we give our love and allegiance to popularity, prosperity, success, politics… you name it.

What we get from Jesus is not judgment but love. He feeds us – and then calls us into a life of feeding others. He gives us chance after chance after chance to start over and slowly learn how to follow, how to love, how to live and die for something bigger than ourselves or our fears.  And thanks be to God for that. Amen.

Discussion Questions

  • Why didn’t Jesus give Peter a “firm talking to”? Why didn’t he make him apologize? If you were Jesus, what would you want to say to Peter about what happened before, when he denied knowing you and left you alone when you needed him most?
  • What happens next in Peter’s life is really quite remarkable. He lives a life of faithful discipleship, claiming the Name of Jesus, and he is killed for it. What gave him the strength to do that when before he was too weak or fearful to acknowledge even knowing Jesus?
  • When have you deserved to be judged or forced to apologize? When have you been forgiven, whether you apologized or not?

Activity Suggestions

Write a letter to someone you have hurt or wronged. Write another letter to someone who has hurt or wronged you. (These letters can remain private; you don’t have to send them or share them with anyone.) If you could say whatever you wanted to that person, what would it be? Do you want to be forgiven? Do you want to forgive? Do you want to have a relationship with this person, or are you happy to just move on? What would it take to be back into a relationship as friends, family, or whatever?

When your letters are done, talk together as a group about what you wrote. Without sharing names or details, what feelings did you put into it? What actions would be a part of healing this relationship? How much of your letter was judgment, and how much was grace?

(Note: I don’t expect anyone to be totally full of grace and forgiveness and love all the time. That’s Jesus’ job. Thankfully he’s a lot better at it than most of us. The point is simply to explore the power of saying sorry—or not—and  the energy and work it takes to be in relationship with people when getting hurt is always a real possibility.)

Closing Prayer

Risen Christ, you are full of love—for me, for us, and for everyone. How do you do that? It is amazing that you could be so gracious and kind with people who really don’t deserve it. Thank you for loving us, in spite of all our faults, and teach us to slowly begin to learn from you how to love and forgive. Amen.

 

March 31, 2013–Treasure in Plain Sight

Contributed by Sylvia Alloway, Granada Hills, CA

 

Warm-up Question

Have you ever been wrong about someone? Have you ever rejected a person as odd, stupid, or untrustworthy and later discovered that you were mistaken? What was the situation? What happened?

Treasure in Plain Sight

shutterstock_12168025editThe white bowl with the pointy, leaf-like pattern shaped into it had sat on the mantle in a New York state home for several years. The family had paid three dollars for it at a tag sale. A belated curiosity about the trinket’s origin led the family to an assessor and a big surprise. Their humble little bowl was 1,000-year-old Chinese treasure, an example of “Ding” pottery from the Northern Song dynasty.

Given to the famous auction house Sotheby’s to sell, it was expected to fetch around $200,000. A bidding war among four art collectors resulted in a price ten times that much, $2.2 million.

 

Discussion Questions

  • There is an old saying: He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. What does this mean? What is the difference between price and value?
  • Is there anything in your life that you value, even though it is not worth much money? What? Why?
  • Think about what people without Christ value, compared to what Christians value. Is there a difference? What is it?

Scripture Texts (NRSV) for Sunday, March 31, 2013 (Resurrection of Our Lord Easter Day)

 

Acts 10:34-43

1 Corinthians 15:19-26

Luke 24:1-12

(Text links are to Oremus Bible Browser. Oremus Bible Browser is not affiliated with or supported by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. You can find the calendar of readings for Year C at Lectionary Readings.)

For lectionary humor and insight, check the weekly comic Agnus Day.

 

Gospel Reflection

There are two Bible stories that are so familiar to Christians that we hardly pay attention to the words when we hear them. One is the story of Jesus birth, the other is the story of his resurrection. These two miracles are the heart of Christianity, special occasions in the church. We give thanks, sing some songs, and go about our business.

But think about these words: “There were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night.”

Um, yeah. So?

Shepherds were considered unclean by upper class Jews. They were not invited into homes. They were not allowed to testify in court. They were outcasts. Yet, these despised people were the first to hear about Jesus’ birth. God valued them and their strong, simple faith. He entrusted them with the news of his Son’s arrival. Sure enough, they ran to tell anyone they could find that the Messiah was born.

In today’s lesson we read the familiar story of the women finding the empty tomb. Women, too, were outcasts, thought inferior to men. Women, too, could not testify in court, because they would not be believed. (Notice how the disciples react when they hear the women’s testimony.) Yet God again chooses outcasts as the first to behold the culmination of his great plan of salvation, the greatest event in the history of the world. Again he gives them a message to tell. He shows how much he values those whom the world rejects.

God does not choose people who think they are worth more than others to spread the news of his salvation. He values the humble, the willing, the faithful, as if they were million-dollar treasures. He paid for them, for us, a price immeasurably greater than money. He paid with his lifeblood.

Let us run and tell!

Discussion Questions

  • In today’s world humility is not considered a very valuable trait. Why is this so?
  • What is the value of humility? What can humble people accomplish that those who think they are great can’t?
  • Christians are often considered outcasts in the non-Christian world. How can we follow the example of the shepherds and the women in telling others the Good News?

Activity Suggestions

  •  Think of a way the class can tell the Good News of Christ’s resurrection. Do it.
  • Talk about what makes a person an outcast among young people. How we can value outcasts and not reject them as the world does?
  • Sing any resurrection song

Closing Prayer

God of the humble, Savior of the outcast, we ask for true humility. Convict us when we put someone down or leave someone out. May the joy of your salvation fill us so that others can see and know that there is hope in you. In Our Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.

October 7, 2012–Poor Children

Contributed by Erik  Ullestad, West Des Moines, IA

 

Warm-up Question

What’s your favorite memory of when you were a child?

Poor Children

The school bell rings at Sampson Middle School.  Within seconds the campus is flooded with pre-teens who are on their way home.  Their evenings are filled with homework, texting, TV, and web surfing.  Jessica is one of a growing number of children with a slightly different routine.  She walks to the local shopping mall to do her homework in the food court.  When she finishes, Jessica looks around for uneaten food that hadn’t yet made it to the garbage.  From there, she heads to the parking lot and enters a rusty old van where her younger brother and parents welcome her “home” for the night.  Most of her classmates don’t know it, but Jessica is homeless.

Nearly 1.6 million children are homeless in the United States; approximately 1 of every 45 people under the age of 18.  Schools, churches, and social service agencies have seen needs rise among children and families in recent years.  Youth homelessness has risen 28% since 2007, a trend that doesn’t look to taper off any time soon.  Over 25% of children are living in poverty in America.  As their parents bring home smaller paychecks it becomes more difficult to pay the rent or mortgage.

Jessica goes to school early to shower in the locker room and finish her homework.  She gets good grades but she’s worried about keeping up, now that some of her teachers are requiring assignments to be turned in online.  She doesn’t have regular access to a computer and is afraid of asking to borrow someone else’s.  It is likely that her schoolwork will suffer if she remains homeless.  Children in this demographic area are more likely than their peers to suffer from hunger, educational deficiencies, illness, and psychological disorders.

Discussion Questions

  • Do you know any students in your school who are homeless?
  • How would your activities change if you had no home?
  • What would you say to a friend if they told you they are homeless?

Scripture Texts (NRSV) for Sunday, October 7, 2012 (Nineteenth Sunday after Pentecost)

Genesis 2:18-24

Hebrews 1:1-4, 2:5-12

Mark 10:2-16

(Text links are to Oremus Bible Browser. Oremus Bible Browser is not affiliated with or supported by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. You can find the calendar of readings for Year C at Lectionary Readings.)

For lectionary humor and insight, check the weekly comic Agnus Day.

 

Gospel Reflection

Jesus had been doing a lot of teaching and healing in recent days.  He took the disciples and went back to the wilderness near Judah.  It didn’t take long, however, for the crowds to find him there.  As he was teaching, the religious leaders showed up and tried to trick him.  They asked for Jesus’ thoughts on the divorce laws, which was a tricky topic.  The Torah (given to Moses) stated that only a man could initiate a divorce (Deut. 24:1-3).  Roman law, which applied to the land of Judah, permitted a woman to initiate divorce as well.  Ultimately, they were looking for Jesus to make a political statement about his allegiance.  Choosing sides would have had big repercussions for Jesus.

Instead of taking the bait, Jesus brought everything back to Creation.  He isn’t interested in splitting hairs over what is lawful.  Jesus reminds the people that the purpose of marriage is to create partnerships.  Marriage is a blessing that is intended to be life giving for both people.  When the relationship fractures and disintegrates, it is because of sin.

Martin Luther reminds us that sin is a condition.  Not only does everyone sin, but everyone is a sinner.  All of us are in need of God’s grace to forgive and redeem us.  As fellow sinners, it’s unhelpful for us to make a list of people’s sins, or presume that some sins are worse than others.  The missteps of ourselves and others reveal communal need of a Savior.

Many interpret Jesus’ comments on divorce as seeking to protect innocent people in relationships.  Verses 11-12 can be condensed and nuanced to say, “Whoever divorces their spouse for the purpose of marrying another person commits adultery.”  The idea of trading a spouse for a “better” often left the divorced person without a home, food, or family to support her.  As he has done so many times before, Jesus uses this discussion to demonstrate care for those in need.

From there, Jesus continues his advocacy for the helpless in society by chastising the disciples for keeping children from getting near to Jesus.  After all, children in those days were considered slightly more important than stray animals.  Jesus elevates their status by telling the disciples to aspire to being like the children in their attitude toward the kingdom of heaven.  Time after time, it is the least, the last, and the lowly among us that Jesus shows partiality to – and he calls us to do the same.

Discussion Questions

  • How successful were the Pharisees in tricking Jesus?
  • What do you think of Jesus’ answer about divorce?
  • How can someone “receive the kingdom of heaven like a child”?

Activity Suggestions

  • Have each person make a family tree.  Include as many branches as they know of.  Use this as an opportunity to talk about the blessing of family, in all kinds of different configurations.  Affirm God’s presence in these relationships, even in the imperfect ones.
  • Shelters for women and children provide care and safety for vulnerable people in society.  As a class, learn about how you can assist these organizations in your community.  Consider creating care packages or creative artwork for the shelters.

Closing Prayer

God, thank you for the gift of marriage, families, and children.  Help us to see your face in the faces of the people we see every day.  Give us patience when we are frustrated, and hope when we become discouraged.  Amen.

April 8, 2012–Open Ended Resurrection

Contributed by Dennis Sepper, University Pastor, Pacific Lutheran University, Tacoma Washington

Warm-up Question

Have you ever experienced something for which there was no explanation?  What happened?  How did it make you feel?

It’s a Mystery…

In the past months two mysteries have made the national news and were all noted on the internet.  The first mystery happened in Le Roy, New York.  Twelve female students from Le Roy Junior Senior High (that’s not a mistake, both Junior High and Senior High must me in the same building or on the same grounds) began experiencing uncontrollable twitching movements and verbal outbursts.  The condition then spread to some adults too.  While the twitching was indeed real no one could explain what was happening…but they sure tried.  The school was checked for mold and chemicals but nothing was found.  Some psychologists stated that it must be stress that is causing the problem.  But in the end no one could explain what was causing the condition.  It remains a mystery.

The second is currently going on is Clintonville, Wisconsin where the residents were awakened by loud sounding booms that rattled their windows.  The event took place in neighborhoods all over town for about four days straight.  No one could figure out what was causing the booms and the city hired a company to explore what might be happening.  Again, people were quick to come up with possible explanations:  pipes were bursting underground or perhaps there were very small earthquakes under the city.  But in the end no one has yet explained what is causing the booms.  It remains a mystery.

Discussion Questions

  • If you identified a mystery in your life thinking about the warm up question, did you or others try to explain what caused your experience?  Were the explanations satisfying or did it remain a mystery?
  • Why do think it is that when we are confronted with a mystery the first response is to try to explain it away?

Scripture Texts (NRSV) for Sunday, April 8, 2012 (Resurrection of our Lord)

Acts 10:34-43

1 Corinthians 15:1-11

Mark 16:1-8
(Text links are to Oremus Bible Browser. Oremus Bible Browser is not affiliated with or supported by the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. You can find the calendar of readings for Year C at Lectionary Readings.)
For lectionary humor and insight, check the weekly comic Agnus Day.

Gospel Reflection

It is interesting to note that in all four Gospels it is the women who go to the tomb of Jesus and learn of the resurrection first, not the disciples.  In our text today the women are going to the tomb of Jesus to place spices in the tomb to try to overcome the smell of death.  However, they encounter a “young man” in the tomb who tells them that Jesus has risen.  The young man then instructs the women to tell Peter and the disciples that the risen Jesus will meet them Galilee.  Who is this young man?  No one knows for sure, perhaps an angel though Mark doesn’t tell us that.  It remains a mystery.

What happens next?  The women run out of the tomb and go immediately to the disciples to tell them that Jesus has been raised from the dead, right?   No, Mark tells us that “terror and amazement had seized them; and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.”  When confronted with the mystery of the resurrection of Jesus the women react with amazement, terror, perhaps some joy, maybe doubt.  In other words the women react to the mystery the same way we react to a mystery.

And that leads to another fact.  If you look at the end of the Gospel of Mark in a Bible you might see that there are three endings to the Gospel.  One is the ending at verse 8 (our text) and then there is a short ending and long ending that were added by someone in the first or second century who couldn’t accept the mystery but had to have Jesus appear to someone in order to validate the resurrection.

I must say that I like the ending of Mark.  It is a strong proclamation of the fact that the resurrection is a mystery that cannot be explained (remember no one had risen from the dead before and no one has risen from the dead since Jesus!).  The resurrection of Jesus is a mystery to be entered into by faith.  Also, the ending of Mark’s Gospel begs the questions of where do we encounter the Risen Christ today?  To quote one theologian, “the risen Jesus is simply still ‘out there somewhere.’”

Discussion Questions

  • What do you think about the ending of Mark’s Gospel?  What do think Mark is trying to say to us by this ending?
  • How do you feel about the reaction of the women?  They went out expecting the status quo…a dead body, but encountered an empty tomb.  How would you react?
  • How does the risen Christ come to us today?  (Hint to those who are Lutheran that Word and Sacrament should be among your answers!)

Activity Suggestions

There will be some in your church or faith community who will not be able to attend Easter services.  Have your group purchase some Easter cards and send Easter blessings and the Good News that Christ is Risen to the shut-ins, those who are hospitalized or in the military, those in prison or treatment centers and others who you know cannot be there for the Easter celebration.

Closing Prayer

Risen Christ, we give you thanks that by your resurrection the power of sin, death and evil has been defeat and that out of sheer mercy and love you grant that victory to us.  We thank you also that the risen Christ is present to all generations to strengthen us and grant us the courage to serve you and our neighbor.  May our Easter worship and celebrations be worthy of the incredibly good news:  Christ is risen!  Christ is risen indeed!  Amen.

“Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time.” ~Martin Luther